Booooooo

Note: I swear I have nothing but love for Ann Meyers. I just hate her commentating.

Originally published June 7, 2004.

Can someone cut her mic off?

I'm serious. Ann Meyers is annoying. So yeah she was a great player and an ambassador to the game, she sucks as a commentator. In my campaign to make the world a better place, she would be the first announcer in any sport in any league that I would personally fire without mercy.

Kevin Harlan and Tom Tolbert are close seconds which tells you what high regard I hold her in.

Where do I begin to count the reasons she makes me want to puke and mute at the same time?

Is it the endless Lisa Leslie groveling disguised as praise?

Is it the endless allusions to her career that have "I need attention" written all over them?

Is it the endless feet kissing of Laimbeer and Auriema?

Is it the endless repetitiveness and lack of substance with which she commentates?

Is it the endless whining about today's game and comparisons to the men's game?

All of that is annoying, but not nearly as bad as her wardrobe. Oh my goodness. Before she berates another player on air for any reason, she should look in the mirror. Those who wear lime green ensembles shouldn't throw stones.

Before ABC cut into the game without bothering to tell anyone their ESPN affiliate picked it up, Meyers was commentating, along with Doris Burke(more on her later) and some other guy who I can't remember but thankfully is nowhere near as annoying as Mark Jones.

While LA was winning, you would have thought Lisa Leslie was one of the 12 Disciples. Meyers, as usual, kept going on and on and on about how great Lisa is, blah, blah, blah, blah. Shaaaadup already.

Soon as they start losing, it's everyone's fault but Lisa's. Lisa brings out mixed emotions from my side of things, with me even going as far as to dub her Omalisa. I'm not really a fan but even

I can respect greatness. But Meyers takes it to whole new brown levels. She must walk around with a shovel.

The entire game was also spent discussing Nikki Teasley's maturity, or lack thereof. Gimmie a break. Her and Doris kept lamenting the fact that Nikki lacks the maturity to lead LA and must find it for them to be successful.

...


It's like, they find one or two things to bark on and ride it for an entire game. It's annoying. How about we talk about Houston, you know, the other team playing the game.

Then there was Connecticut vs. Phoenix to tip off the season a few weeks ago. What a train wreck. Not only did the game bore me to tears, I thought Ann was going to tell us what kind of deodorant Diana Taurasi uses. I expect Geno to spend the game talking about his former player, but Ann acted like Diana was passing to herself, shooting the ball, getting the rebound and running back down the other end to defend herself. I'm sure Geno already knows how wonderful he is in his own mind; Ann was acting like she was going to follow him back to his hotel room.

Next was Detroit vs. LA. Another sleeper. But here comes Ann to tell us how incredible Bill Laimbeer is. Until his team started losing. Then it became how wonderful Michael Cooper is. When LA was losing, the excuses were neverending. "They're tired." "They're road weary." Shaaadaaaap

Spoon comes in the game all of 5 minutes and somebody done started Motor Mouth Meyers. For the next 4:59, we had to hear about how Spoon can't shoot, she can't do this, she can't do that.

Then Greg and Mark had to get in on it, but at least Greg was actually explaining instead of whining and providing perspective instead of just being annoying, and Mark, well Mark can't help but to be a cornball. And when Greg and Mark got off the subject, Ann's got to bring it back up.

Stop the presses!!!!!!! Spoon's not an offensive threat? Who knew?!!!!!!! Stop playing!! Word?! For real Ann?

Yo Ann, there's 9 other players on the court. How about we focus on one, or three, of them who aren't 38 and a shadow of their former selves. Or better yet, if we're going to focus on Spoon, how about we put her tenure in LA into its proper perspective and stop acting like she's supposed to go out there and drop 30 and 10 in 3 minutes. Ann's always got some snide comment about Spoon. Her favorite being, "And then you go committ the silly foul." Hun, Lisa fouled out and you blamed fatigue. But then Lisa's royalty, so it wasn't her fault that she had more fouls and turnovers than field goals. She was tired.

There was the one last year alluding to the fact that because players are fan favorites they're harder to trade. No, Ann, because players are at that time, 37 year old fan favorites they are hard to trade. If your buddy Blaze wanted to trade Spoon, she had the opportunity to do so.

Fans find new favorites. Spare us the sob story. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Spoon owed Ann money. She sounds like the never satisfied chain smoking sweaty father watching his son play baseball.

The Seattle vs. Phoenix game was just atrocious. Taurasi and Bird are officially the greatest thing since Lisa Leslie, who is the greatest thing since girls were allowed to dribble accroding to Ann. I got lucky. The game stunk the first half and was a blowout the 2nd, which thankfully allowed me to turn the channel without a blow to my fandom.

Then there's good ol' Doris "UCONN" Burke. She used to be the best since Robin Roberts. I hate to say it, but she's becoming Ann Jr. She's fine when she's doing the game with Vera Jones, Michelle Tafoya, or Gus Johnson, but put her with Ann and it's just one big craptacular. Would she please stop making that awful noise mmmmhhhmmmm as if someone just put a plate of apple pie in front of her and she's going to dig in on the air.

She isn't nearly as bad as Meyers, but she's taking a turn for the worse.

Nancy Lieberman may have her faults, but at least she's funny and amusing and we don't have to listen to her for an entire game.

Somebody please just unplug Ann Meyer's mic and never let her commentate another game again.

For the sake of all that is right in the WNBA.

Oh yeah, hey Ann, how about some love for Lauren Jackson? Name one thing Lisa can do that Lo-Jack can't.

The sob fest in the New York Times last season about why fans don't like Lisa solidified Ann as Lisa's personal towel girl. "I have no clue why fans don't like Lisa." Ann, besides the cheap elbows, funny shorts and lack of respect for opponents, maybe fans don't like Lisa because of commentators like you who feel the need to tell us how incredibly wonderful, splendiforous and amaaaaaaaaazing she is non stop for 2 hours. Or it could be the whole "reigning MVP" thing you like to do, even when she isn't the person who won the award last year. Nobody calls Jimmy Carter the current president.

"And when I played with the Pacers........"

I swear Ann Meyers must be a Stepford Wife. From the clothes down to that fake phoney squint chipmunk smile thing she does whenever the camera's on her.

Somebody cut her mic off.